My name is Klaus. I am German and unfriendly. I am ruining the 100th post of the one you call Billy. That is correct. For one day only, I am now Orgasmic Meatball. Billy can do nothing about this. He is probably somewhere eating cookie or sneering at traffic.
Do you not get sick of him anyway? It's always my name is Billy. Oh look, my nose look like potato. Oh look, my beard looks like ass of gopher. Oh look at me, I am big shot driving down to lake to get fresh air and eat grilled meats of various kinds. Oh look at me, I live in Kentucky and I play banjo for woodland creatures and fly like Peter Pan. Are you not tired of this?
In case you miss his first 99 posts, I will do favor for you and recap his topics:
Poop. Poop. Ernest Borgnine. Poop. Poop book. Work. Poop. Billy Mays. Poop. More poop. Shit. Ace Frehley. Poop. Hobos. Poop. Poop. Fish man. Poop. Poop. Buttocks of the Arnold Schwartzenegger. Poop. Poop. Jack Bauer. Poop. I hate train engineers that beat meat. Poop. Poop. I am better than everyone else. Poop. Poop. Picture of stupid 70's record. Poop...
There, you see pattern? If not, you have eyes of a Stevie Wonder. Well look, I can be funny: Yesterday I ran over bicyclist. Hahahahahaha! Yesterday I watch woman slip in parking lot and injure buttocks. Then I stomp on her produce and remind her that her children are ugly. I never laugh so hard in this life! Hey, did you see the moon this morning? It looks like big ball of butter in sky and I use it to butter my toast and then I yell at moon and call it curses until Police arrive. Hahahaha! Why do all Canadians say "eh"? It is like they fish with the sock on cat, right? Hahahaa! Is this the "Eh?" like that of the Fonzie? "Aaaaaayyyy" like he says before he assaults the jukebox to make play for him, no?
See, this is more fun without Billy, no?
I will be here rest of day to answer your questions about Klaus and even stupid Billy. So I hope you like?
Like father always said to me, "Wenn das van' s. A. rockin' , don' t kommen ein knockin'!"
5 songs of day:
Any five songs by Kraftwerk
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Posts
25 comments:
I feel a deep sense of disappointment that your 100th post (by a German interloper, no less) did not include one single reference to sausages.
Way to mark the anniversary, old timer :)
You, sir, are hysterical. You've got yourself another follower. xo
The Girl - If there is one thing that German knows, it is sausages...we like ours smothered in kraut...and no, that is not, how you say, innuendo!
Diane - Thank you! Billy will be happy to know that somebody else now reads his blog because of something that the great Klaus has done...
Oh no, Klaus has revealed the uber secret reason why people in KY really play banjo...in order to lure cute, woodland creatures to the porch,roll 'em in some flour, toss 'em in a HUGE pot of boiling oil and then nosh on their deliciousness which makes us so happy, that we can then defy the laws of gravity.
Curse you evil German fish!
Klaus frightens me. I have a German coworker that doesn't wear a bra. That frightens me more.
klaus, have you no love for your austrian neighbor the arnold??
Oh Klaus, you silly little man.
Happy 100th post!!! I'm assuming you had some some lakeside grilling out, for your 4th of July weekend? Sounds like fun.
Klaus sounds like he's channeled his inner Hanz and Franz for a girly-man makeover....LOL!
CCBB - Why do Americans scream, curses at me? Why do you hurl banjos at me? I am docile as swan!
Kristina - In Germany, bras are not needed, and therefore, we do what we want...stare at your co-workers sags and enjoy show!
Lana- Arnold has become Americanized with Governor status and cowboy hats of some kind. He married a Kennedy and planted his seed in her. I no longer recognize him as cousin of Germany!
Briana - Arrrrgggghhhh! Five of your American "feet" is acceptable as full grown man in Germany!
Los_Artist - Thank you! American Billy guy apparently had good time with lakes and American sass!
Swirl Girl - How dare you ma'am! Hanz and Franz have given my people bad name. People ask me if I must "pump up" and then they use fart pump of some sort on me. It is demeaning!!
Lederhosen boy! That lady's "produce" speaking. I am going to track you down, buddy. I am all crushed thanks to you and won't now get to be the main course for tonight's dinner. Instead I am going to be mashed into a stew. But I know where you live. I KNOW people. You better be watching your strudel because I'm coming to give your bratwurst a pounding.
Vegetable Person - I am baffled by your produce hostility. People think that just because we hate the Irish, that we do not eat the potato, and this is just not true. I eat potato and root vegetable, I not discriminate. You can be stew, you can be hash, you can be succotash. Klaus still chew the vegetable and spit it in faces of aggressors... why do you hate my Leiderhosen so?
Ahahaha. Clever indeed.
Since I did miss the first 99 post, I feel like that post was written especially for me! Thanks Klaus.
After hanging out with some Germans, I can tell you that your impression is dead on, my friend. Dead on.
Thanks for stopping by!
Nice to meet you :)
That's cool you have a beagle too-
mine is named Sid(ney) Vicious.
She snores like a trucker and her breath smells like death.
Yet despite the nastyness, she truly is adorable.
I'm nearing my 100th post and am now terrified that Klaus is going to show up.
And people with ugly children need to be reminded of it often. You did a good deed.
Congratulations on the 100th post even though that bastard Klaus took control. I enjoyed reading your posts.
Hey thanks for visiting my blog. Although it's obvious that it's CRAPPY compared to yours.
Oh yeah, The Beatles!!!!!! So i guess we're friends now? :)
if one were to make "frenched fries" with billy's nose, would one need ketchup?
Taylor - I thank you for that, but Klaus is a bad man...a very bad man!
Nanodance - Thanks for visiting! I think Klaus' summary was a little harsh, however...hahaha!
Lily - Impression? so you don't really think a stuffy German weasel overtook my blog? Hehehe...
Jessica - And thank you! Wow, you also just described our beagle to a T! But we couldn't get by without her!
Samsmama - Beware the Klaus attack! If you have a German-related password, he will make life miserable for you...and yes, I do have to agree with you and Klaus about ugly children!
Peach Tart - Thank you! And I won't let the bastard Klaus piss on my 100th post parade!
Jessica - Thanks for visiting! And your blog is in NO WAY crappy...it was a good read! Beatle power! Hehehe...
Becky - I can't imagine any condiment making my nose taste any better...hahaha!
Genius-I'm a follower now!
Emily - Thanks! Hahaha....although I hardly see myself in the same light as ...oh...say Albert Einstein...or even his lesser brother Chip Einstein...
So, do you by chance, blog about poop?
Congrats on 100 poop-filled posts!
Megan - Hahahaha! Yeah, I have shared my thoughts and feelings on many a poop...and thank you!
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